Sssh! I really should be working ...

We have the lovely H to thank for inspiration for the following post. As you’ll see when you go to check her responses to the questions below, she gave me full permission to copycat the idea. Once you’ve had a read, feel free to pick up the baton yourself (yes, even you who reads but never comments).  Go on - it’s fun.

1. My uncle once: married a showgirl. Unfortunately, he wasn’t a prince, and neither was he ‘the marrying kind’, so it didn’t last

2. Never in my life: have I got around to learning to swim

3. When I was five: I used to talk to animals, eat only honey sandwiches and write in a weird script that could only just be deciphered by holding the page up to the mirror

4. High school was: a non-event. I hated it, and left when I was 14

5. I will never forget: the details, the feelings, the tastes, the smells, the faces (I’m not being flippant or facetious - I really do have a weird memory) (but I’m rubbish when it comes to names).

6. Once I met: a woman who claimed to have had sex with all of the JoBoxers at the same time

7. There’s this girl I know: who heard that last anecdote and is actually envious!

8. Once, at a bar: I almost bought a round

9. By noon, I’m usually: talking to Medad while making a fried egg sandwich, having worked since around 6.30am

10. Last night: I ate vast amounts of curry and drank copious amounts of red wine

11. If only I had: enough money to take really good care of everybody I know and love

12. Next time I go to church: I’ll be most disgruntled if God is away from his desk

13. What worries me most: is running out of time ...

14. When I turn my head left I see:  a 1970s, wall mounted cupboard unit (doors closed)

15. When I turn my head right I see: an Ikea standard lamp, a wire of defunct plastic daisies that used to light up and a tangled clump of fairy lights that still do

16. You know I’m lying when: I tell lies. It’s always, always really obvious

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: pretty much everything

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Adriana in The Comedy of Errors

19. By this time next year: I’ll be 45, eek! But at least I’ll have finally had my first novel published ...

20. A better name for me would be: Pollyanna. Or Freddie Mercury

21. I have a hard time understanding: how anybody can be bothered taking competitive sports seriously

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: be absolutely bloody amazed at myself!

23. You know I like you if: I have more than one conversation with you; I rarely, if ever, bother making any sort of connection with people I don’t like

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: myself

25. Take my advice, never: get involved with a jealous man

26. My ideal breakfast is: a bacon and egg buttie, made with fresh granary bread (untoasted)

27. A song I love but do not have is: ‘And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going’ by Jennifer Holliday

28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: look me up

29. Why won’t people: realise that good manners really do maketh the man?

30. If you spend a night at my house: be prepared to endure a YouTube party until 4am

31. I’d stop my wedding for: a quick fag break

32. The world could do without: violent men, in all their various incarnations

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: snog Snoop Doggy Dogg

34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: not naturally blonde. and not necessarily having more fun

35. Paper clips are more useful than: iPods. They do the job they're meant to do.

36. If I do anything well it’s: have an enormous amount of fun

37. I usually cry: when pre-menstrual and nature forces me to let my guard down

38. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: do as I say, not as I do

39. And by the way: I can't for the life of me work out how come H had 40 questions and I only have 39. And I really appreciate the fact that you’ve read this far ...