I wasn't going to mention what happened today here until the emotional dust has settled.  But as this blog has already attracted scores of new visitors on the strength of it (I guess all they had to do was google my name), I feel I owe everybody some sort of explanation. But having spent a great deal of today not only talking about 'it' to my family but constantly dealing with ongoing, draining, fluctuating thought-attacks inside my own head, I'm uncharacteristically stuck for words. 

If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm not going to provide a link - not because I'm ashamed of what I've done (although in a way I am, but I'll explain why at another time), but because I feel that 'it' doesn't represent the 'me' I am today, OR the wonderful relationship I have with my family. And is all this my own fault? Not entirely. I can't say any more about certain 'practical' issues that have to be dealt with on Monday, but what I can say is that the feelings of those closest to me have been hurt - and it honestly isn't all my fault. 

Right now, one part of me is burning up with a horrible kind of flaming anger. Another - perhaps bigger - part of me wants to wrap my family up in cotton wool and tell them that I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. But mostly, all I'm experiencing now is an over-riding urge to sleep. It'll be easier in the morning? You have no idea how much I hope this is the case.

I'm sorry if none of this is making any sense to you (although it might, to my new readers). The thing is, none of today is making any sense at all to me, either. The only person things do seem to be making sense to is my mum - My Mother The Hero, actually. I can't tell her how much I love her (well I can, and I do, but I feel as though I can't say it enough).