Happy Yesterday

Despite the bleeurghiness that hit the day before, I ended up really enjoying yesterday - a day of major lethargy, high drama and total slobbery combined.

I woke up to a rainy sky and the mild threat of a hangover (got scuzzy with the GP boys on Friday night - yay!), but still, the day held much promise ... if, that is, you find the prospect of lounging around on the sofa with the weekend papers with the Coronation Street omnibus on TV in the background promising. Such an idea certainly floated my merry boat so, having first seen Mike off to work (poor he - the office on a Saturday) and ventured out to the local shops for supplies, I holed up.

The day's menu was set to be a synch. I'd made a huuuuge pot of Nigel Slater's 'Herb and Barley Broth to Bring You Back to Health' (leeks, spuds, carrots, celery, onions, rosemary, sage and thyme); all it needed was a bit of quality protein - mmm, an organic, free range, corn fed chicken from the lovely butcher up the road - to go with it, and we were all set. So, I grabbed said bird for roasting while I was up at the shops, along with a brace of Gloucester Old Spot pork sausages to sling in the oven at the same time, either for a lazy breakfast later on this morning or to be put with the remains of the Nigel Broth later on today.

Just as I'd got all settled under the purple blanket, a good friend ('Matt', for the purposes of this blog) called for some Mariella-style advice regarding a long ago ex-boyfriend who still seemed to be obsessed with Matt's every move. Apparently, the ex subscribes to the newsletter from Matt's place of work, regularly holidays in a guest house in Matt's road and spends a lot of time trying to track Matt's every move on the internet (we know this because Matt is a bit of geek with some very sharp software of his own). After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, we settled on a bottom line - of sorts: is the ex actually interfering with Matt's day-to-day life? No. Is he physically threatening? No. Is Matt, somewhere way down deep inside, actually a bit flattered by all this attention, finding it glamorous and romantic? Definitely not. So, my advice came out something like this:

Let the poor guy (the ex, that is) get on with it. His behaviour is annoying to the max in one way, but really, it's not going to turn Matt into a Britney Spears-style stretcher case (no matter how much Matt loves Britney, he can't claim breakdown-and-psychosis-at-the-hands-of-an-ex status). Yes, stalkers are very scary, and shouldn't be taken lightly (Animal Disco fans already know my take on this, from a long-ago rant - you'll find it in the archives somewhere, if you're interested). But we also discussed that Mariella page that I posted here more recently which, although not directly related to Matt's situation, does paint a pretty good (or bad) picture of many men's desire to subsume even a partner's past before they knew each other; given that sorry state of affairs, why would we expect the 'afterwards' to take a different course? Matt's ex was always a bit obsessive, even when they were happily shacked up together (he once berated Matt for knowing how condoms work; surely, in this day and age, such a 'skill' should be a given? And hang on - do we deduce from this particular tantrum that the ex had no clue about how to, erm, use one himself? Blimey - where, exactly, had he been before Matt came along?). Anyhoo: a leopard can't change his spots - and an ex-lover can't suddenly ditch the traits you once found 'cute' or 'loving' or even 'annoying-yet-forgiveable-'cos-I-lurve-him-and-he-loves-me' overnight - or even, it seems, four years after curtain down.

So - feeling all wise and philosophical about life - Matt and I said goodbye to each other, bathing in the rosy glow of "we've set the world to rights". But ten minutes later, my phone rang again. It was the manic ex himself. "Would you mind very much keeping your pointed little nose out of my affairs, please?" - slam. Eek! Matt had no idea how the ex knew we'd been talking about him, or how he got my phone number. It seems the ex's software, at least, is very well wired. My fresh advice to Matt? Call the police and start logging Mr Crazy's actions right now ... before we have very good reason to start calling 'Matt' Britney.