Scenario: a local food critic is being followed around Bath by a film crew making a ‘reality TV style’ documentary about local food critics.
Local food critic: here? It’s a tourist clip joint!
D: well couldn’t you pretend to like it?
LFC: wouldn’t that sort of defeat the object?
D: (irritably) okay. Move on, guys!
LFC: (two minutes later, around the corner) what about here? I really like it here
D: here? But if this documentary goes national, nobody will know where we are. We need A Big Name
LFC: in Bath, this place is ‘A Big Name’
D: (sighing) okay then - here
D: (two minutes later, inside) no, don’t sit there; we want you by the kitchen – the best table in the house, and all that
LFC: in a corridor?
D: our viewers will expect you to sit by the kitchen...
LFC: okay, let’s sit at the worst table in the house, then
D: ... and order foie gras
LFC: they don’t do foie gras!
D: well do a piece to camera about how you successfully campaigned to stop them serving foie gras!
LFC: but I didn’t. Anyway, I know what I’m having...
D: (horrified) you can’t order a burger!
LFC: I love the burgers here!
D: well tell our viewers that they’re made of that Kobi beef stuff
LFC: but they’re not
D: and that waitress was terrible! Ask for the manager and complain about the service.
LFC: but she was lovely!
D: (exasperated) well complain about something else then. I know – have a fight with the chef!
LFC: but I don’t know the chef
D: Jesus – are you sure you’re a food critic?
(to be continued over 36 hours of footage that eventually gets binned)
Reality TV, eh? Life as it happens.
2 comments:
Wow. How disappointing. Mind you, I went in the audience for a tv programme and was shocked at all of the fakery that went on. The chefs didn't do any of the cooking.
I suppose in a world where swearing and confrontation over food is the order of the day, (à la Gordon Ramsey), tv is chasing that now....
If you are ever up in London, Melissa, email me if you fancy meeting.
Thanks for understanding, ML. I'm emailing you pronto under cover of, erm, confidentiality. Meanwhile, regulars can look forward to a post in the not-too-distant future: when the Animal Disco and Marmite Lover got together ...
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