I’ll have a couple of rashers of nitrosamines, preservatives, anti-bacterial agents and colour fixative followed by a high possibility of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and a bit of bladder cancer, please. That’ll be the good old bacon butty, then: all-round hysteria in one indigestible bite, wrapped in a couple of slices of high GI-rated starch. Yum!
Yup, food that kills is back in the headlines again – this time, the evils of bacon are in the spotlight. The news has brought about much wailing and gnashing of teeth from those who apparently live on bacon sarnies, an outraged army fuelled by the Sun newspaper who inevitably ran the front page headline: ‘Save our Bacon!’. Antony Worrall Thompson – himself the very picture of the British version of good health (ie, an overweight diabetic with terrible skin) waddled onto the bandwagon, dismissing the latest news as ‘just another scare’: “If ‘they’ have ‘their’ way, we’ll all turn into vegetarians!”, he raged, as he sank his teeth into his usual breakfast of deep fried, sugar coated pigs innards. Indeed! How dare ‘they’ tell us that the great British breakfast is bad for us? What right have ‘they’ got to pick on bacon? What’s the point in putting in all that hard work getting a hangover if there isn’t a bacon buttie to reward us for our efforts? The scientists, researchers and nutritionists who are busy condemning the BB are nothing but anti-British killjoys, out to stop our fun. If we want to eat our way into an early grave via industrially produced, genetically modified salt and additive laden low-grade meat that’s literally not fit for a pig to eat, that’s our national right! Next thing we know, we’ll be told to stop binge drinking! Crikey, pass me a fag …
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